|
|
|
|
I'm worthless
2003-05-14 at 8:58 p.m. "What have you ever done for this family?!" That's what I had to hear out of the mouth of my oh so perfect little sister. God I wanted to die at that moment...seriously. My family doesn't love me. They all feel the same way about me. They think I'm worthless, when all I try to do is work so hard to not let them down. I study my ass off to get good grades, my side of the room is as neat as a pin, and I help around the house...I'm the most responsible one. All I'm looking for is my own bit of happiness. I want to meet Howie Dorough. After 5 years of trying...I've seriously had enough. I've been working at it alone...not getting very far. I'm always held back. I WANT TO DIE!!! I can't ever be happy. I want to know what it's like to truely be happy, even if it's for 5 minutes. As you can probably figure...yes...I'm crying up a storm...listening to Backstreet Boys music and sitting alone. It's the same song...looped continuously and for the 18th time, it's still the most important song to me at this moment (as of last night). AJ sings... "Baby is is possible to love someone so much..." My response to that, is yes. It is possible to love someone so much...but no one loves me. I want to runaway and I've planned it out since I was in 8th grade. But now I'm in a new house in a nightmare town. It sux. People here aren't nice to me. I'm an outcast. I can be talented, but to them, I'm nothing...it's like being home. It's hell. Then Howie sings: "I wish I may, I wish I might...be that certain someone you wish for every night..." Only if he knew how true to life that was. I wish for him every night and it's been like that for nearly 5 years. It's like this: I always think that Howie would come to my house to rescue me. I'm looking out the window and I see a white limo. Just as I open the door to see Howie, I wake up and then I cry...cause now I realize that it's only a dream. I'm gonna go now...probably curl up in the darkest corner somewhere... you wanna know what kind of friends and family I have?? Well they're the type that I have to cater to day in a day out...solving their problems. Yet, when it comes to me, they turn their back on me. They won't help me meet Howie. They aren't really my friends if they can't help me be happy... Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses, ME
|
Navigate:
Newest Archives Profile Rings Notes Design Host |
|
|
About Me:
20, female, no longer single (Marty 2.19.04), singer, college student, Jersey born, diagnosed with Fibromyalgia back in '03. Describes self as: a perfectionist, caring, romantic, spiritual, a bit too serious, me. |
||
|
Loves:
My boyfriend Marty 2.19.04, The Backstreet Boys since 1997, Howie Dorough since 9.4.98, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Family Guy, Fairly Oddparents, NJ Devils Hockey, WWE Wrestling, Kentucky Wildcats Basketball, Build-A-Bear, Cinderella, singing, shopping, dancing, filling out surveys, drawing, taking pictures, Lilo & Stitch & dream interpretation. |
||
|
Dislikes:
N SYNC, bugs(Especially spiders), being sick, snobs, being bored, football, stuck up cheerleaders |
||
|
||