Last night at work, I came in feeling so unloved and wanting to runaway. I love going to my job because I can escape my home. I especially love working on Wednesday and Saturday cause my friend Bijal works too.

She's really smart and she makes sense with her advice. Then I asked her..."What's your favorite fairytale?" She said hers is "Rumplestiltskin" and I said, my entire life it's been "Cinderella", but I never knew why I felt so passionately about that movie. Then I asked her, "Is it selfish to have always thought of myself as Cinderella?" Then she said to me, "No, you're not selfish for feeling this way. In fact, your soul is pure and beautiful." I looked at her and I couldn't say anything.

For the first time in my life, someone really understood how I felt and how I lived. I have all these dreams, but my family does everything in their power to hold me back. I am a dreamer, always wishing upon stars, always creating a magical life in my mind.

Last night I went to bed and before I went to sleep I whispered, "I go to bed me, but tomorrow I wake up and live the rest of my life as Cinderella". I woke up this morning, and the first thing I heard was my mother giving me a list of chores I had to do before she came home. So I walked around the house carrying piles of clothing to be put away and I felt different. I wasn't me. I didn't feel like myself. I knew that something had happened to me because I was no longer me.

It may sound crazy, but I am telling you the truth. When someone finds something in me, I make it my own...I've lived a little more than 19 years not knowing that my life was a modern day Cinderella story. I am always searching for my prince...thinking that my dreams will always stay dreams. A life other than mine is hard to imagine, but someday I know it will happen...

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling thru

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004