Today I saw a lot of relatives that I haven't seen in 5 years. One person in particular...my cousin Ruth. She's 41, lives in South Carolina, and has a 12 year old son named Bryan. The one thing that makes her stand out more than any of my relatives is the fact that she has Lupus. She's had it since she was 13 years old. She's a wonderful person and she's very funny. The worst thing I've seen with her is that she's extremely out of control, meaning...she is a heavy smoker and drinker. It's wrong for a person with Lupus to drink and smoke, because it makes the disease worse.

The truth is, it hurts me a lot that my cousin Ruth is drinking and smoking because it will kill her. She does it because she is depressed and in so much pain. She really has no control over her condition and I wish she did. When people mention Lupus to her, it's like Taboo. She is embarassed about having the disease.

Yes, I noticed it. I was also told it by relatives. We were talking about my want to audition for American Idol 3 and she was wishing me the best. The thing was I noticed that while we were talking, she would push her armsleeves down so her arms were completely covered.

I really want to get through to my cousin because I want to understand what she goes through and how she copes with having Lupus. I think when I met her almost 5 years ago, she was the reason I took a final push to do all I can for the Lupus Foundations. Need I remind you that Howie's sister died of Lupus 4 months and 15 days before I met my cousin for the first time. When Caroline died, I was in the state of mind...thinking, "There's no way anyone in my family could have Lupus." I was wrong. I think I jinxed my life with that statement...but I don't want to take it back. I discovered someone in my family that gave me a reason to do something remarkable.

Ruth promised that next time she comes up, she'll come visit my house. Plus, if I ever go to Florida, she's so excited to see us again. She's gonna be someone that I'll look up to as I try to understand her. She's remarkable to me...

I know that I am making Howie and his family proud by wanting to help my cousin.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004