Tonight @ 7:30 is Lupus 2003 and this morning @ 11:00 is Howie's Meet-And-Greet. Wanna know something...like the past 3 years, I'm not there. Why does everyone have so much faith in me meeting Howie? It never works for me. I feel like the fact that I didn't go this year must be the biggest mistake of my entire life.

That's what my heart is telling me. I've really fallen in love with Howie...um...not in a psycho way or anything...and this is not puppy love or just plain fandamonium. I really do care about him and I don't want to be labeled as a girl who likes him for the ammount of money he owns. I am not that type of person.

I went to bed last night crying, woke up crying, and all day today I am just miserable. I am getting to the point in my life where if I never meet him before he finds a girl and gets married to her just because...it'll be hopeless.

A lot of people think I should be with him and I don't know why they think it would happen, but I want that to happen.

God, I just wish there was some miracle in my life and something good would happen where just out of an odd twist of fate we'd meet each other. I really believe in fate and I really hope fate goes my way for one time in my life.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004