ME: I am a believer. I believe in miracles, fate, destiny, true love, etc. I feel that the person you know in your heart you will marry, then it will happen. It takes believing and noticing the signs (Jennifer and I always say that). Plus, when it comes to life, you must have the passion, the burning desire to make a dream come true. I know who I want to be with for the rest of my life (Howie Dorough), not because he's a celebrity, but because he can turn my life upside-down in the most incredible way. He can pull at my heart strings and it will mean something. All those that feel very strongly about Howie and I being together, it's because they see that two different people from two different places and dispositions should be together. I also think that everyone should be given a chance regardless of race, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, beliefs, religion,...etc.

It's not fair to hear something like..."Oh, Clay would've won American Idol if he fixed himself up better." Okay, not true. Clay did an amazing job and he has a gift that shouldn't go unnoticed. I praise Clay for letting stylists change him, even though I liked him just fine in auditions. He looked like me...an average collede student with a seemingly definite path in life. For those who say he looked like a geek in auditions, that's your opinion, but I think he looked like someone I go to school with, and I was happy with that.

Howie Dorough...a troll? That's how alot of people see him as and it's wrong. Beauty is only skin deep, but too many people forget that. I think Howie is a very beautiful man. I'm not just saying this because I love him with all my heart, I am saying this because it's true. He is fine the way he is and if he's comfortable with changing himself, then I just love him more. It takes a lot of heart to ignore what media says about him, but I love him for it, more and more each day.

MY GRANDMOTHER (MY MOM's SIDE): She is mothership of all screwed-up priorities. She looks for all the wrong things in people. I hate her because I get compared to so many people cause she isn't satisfied with who I am. She wants me to be pretty like my sister, but I don't want to be like my sister at all. For a fact, my sister may look pretty, but she has bad habits and no manners. She also thinks that because my cousins all got cars from their parents that I'm not good enough cause I have to work for mine. She spits on my beliefs and is a racist bitch. That's all I have to say, she is just very messed up.

That's all for now...

Backsteet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004