Yesterday my close friend of 3 years (Jennifer) said goodbye to all of us. She moved to Bowing Green, KY and she wasn't as torn up as I was when I moved away. Yesterday my friend Johanna and I went all over to put together a little surprise party. We won't disclose a final cost cause Jennifer reads my diary (haha Jen you thought you got me!!) but she had no idea what we had planned. We bought her a few gifts for her new bedroom in KY, plus we got her a Good Luck Jennifer cake which she was shocked over. Anyway, she said she wouldn't cry, but I know deep down she wanted to and was about to. I swear it feels weird so here is where I am confused. I am confused about how awkward it's gonna feel to not always get to hang out or chat with her. I'm uncertain with how I'd make myself feel confident when she really knew how to turn me around when I doubted anything Howie. I guess if she is taking the move well, then honestly I should too.

The past few days have taken me to a familiar me of about 2-3 years ago. I spent $75 on Backstreet Boys stuff because I bought one of everything BSB in the store that I didn't own. That reminds me of how I was when BSB were the top band. They still are the top to me. Then today, I watched SNL and didn't know that the BSB were the singers until the opening credits rolled. Wow, I watched their two performances with the biggest smile on my face. I looked at each of them and thought:

Nick - "Wow, I remember when he was that hott. I wish he looked like that now."

Kevin - "Oh man, Kevin. What are you doing? *Looking at his dancing* I remember when he danced like that."

AJ - "That hair! I remember when he had that much hair. It seems like forever."

Brian - "He's the same as he is now. He is still gifted."

AND THE ONE THAT MATTERS MOST:

Howie - "Wow, I can't believe it. Those eyes with that shine and beauty *while blushing* I am just mesmerized and I love him."

I sat there just star struck and I couldn't believe it. I got up and did some of the dance (the parts I remembered anyhow). I was laughing, crying, singing, and I was just the happiest I've been in a long time. I love those guys so much, and even though I sometimes wish they are as popular now as they were in the past, I would wait forever for them.

So even though I feel like I'm in 2 different directions right now, I'm so happy that the BSB just picked me up like they do all the time.

To Jennifer, girl I miss you, but you're not forgotten.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004