ME - I'm a green-eyed, light brown haired, overachieving bookworm.

I sing, dance, draw, write stories, and teach myself how to do everything.

I bend over backwards to help someone everytime.

Donating to charities is one of the most rewarding things in my life.

Lupus scares me, it's probably my biggest fear next to dying with having someone fall in love with me.

I'm not picky when it comes to guys, but I can never get a boyfriend (I've been single for all 19 years of my life minus one week back in 10th grade where my close guy friend asked me out. We never went on a date and we never kissed).

I've never been kissed or have ever been on a date.

I'm big into dream interpretation and I am a believer in miracles.

I dress conservatively unless I am performing on stage, then I dress a lil' glam.

I am very generous to people and expect to be treated as I treat them.

I've been considered ugly by almost every guy I've ever had a crush on.

Very friendly to guys, but it scares them.

Never got in trouble when I went out with friends.

Doesn't diss other people unless doing it in defense.

I always try to give my sister the best advice in situations and I compliment her on some of her clothing choices (I'll admit, I'm mean when she wears the slut stuff).

MY SISTER - Brown-eyed, black haired, and uses her A.D.D. as an excuse for everything.

Writes stories sometimes, but other than that she says she's jealous of my talents, but won't even work at hers.

Very stuck up. Will step on people to get what she wants. She is never willing to help and rubs things in your face.

Never donated to a charity, because it's "a waste of her time and money".

Biggest fear, I dunno...probably would die if I didn't become famous cause she'd have no one to mooch off of (It's a long story, I'll tell you in another entry).

Very picky when it comes to guys and I mean very picky. To her the guy has to be, "Hot!". Has had 11 boyfriends and she's only 17.

Has been kissed, asked on dates, taken to dances...etc.

Spits on all my dreams and laughs at everything I believe in. She thinks spirituality is stupid.

Dress like a slut. Booty shorts that show half her butt and other times it's clothing she's worn 2 days in a row, worn it to bed, got up and went to school with it on. Even does her hair nice just to go to bed.

Doesn't give many people the time of day. I've never seen her generous to anyone.

Every guy I crush on and think I'm ugly always wind up liking my sister.

Very nasty to guys and she brags about it. I mean, she gets so many guys by treating them like crap. Twilight Zone!

Constantly gets in trouble when she goes out. She winds up in places she's not supposed to be.

Disses people if they wear the "ugliest outfit". Very racist. You should hear the stuff that comes out of her mouth. She hates anyone that isn't her.

Told me I'm ugly with not an ounce of fashion sense. TRUE STORY! She told me this when we were at a neighbor's graduation party. And then she doesn't want to hang out with me at all because I embarass her cause I like BSB and cause I look like a nerd.

YOU KNOW WHAT??? I don't know why my mother loves her so much more than me. My mother screams at me when my sister treats me like dirt. I don't get it. You wonder why I'm bi-polar and suicidal.

Why do you think I love Howie?? Cause maybe for once someone will love me back. That's all I've ever wanted. He's just everything to me and I just wish he knew how important he was. He's looking for someone that will love him and I'm looking for someone to love me. I'm going to find him.

As for my family, screw them. How many times I've wanted to run away or kill myself. I don't know what stops me, but I think it's the will to find Howie. I want to be alive for him, but otherwise, I don't want to live this life anymore.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004