I want to start off by saying Howie no way looks 30. He's very young-looking. Yet, age is just a number so I'm not freaking out. I just feel so much love for him today because I want him to have a great time on this special day.

It was a really non-event kind of a day. I always planned to do something special for his big 3-0 but when you have a family like mine, your plans get crushed very easily.

I wanted to do this whole big party thing...or at least bake a cake, decorate it and then blow out the candles. Instead, I caught up on some artwork (BSB).

The one thing I kept as a tradition was singing Happy Birthday to Howie (my poster on my wall 24" X 36") at 8:22 PM because I don't know Howie's time of birth. It may sound weird, but this is the 5th year I've done it. I even did it the birthday before I really liked him (8/22/98). It's a tradition for me that I don't want to break. I think it's an act of faith on my part. God sees all. Maybe he can see that my love for Howie is real.

Anyway, I have just been non-stop smiles all day. Yes I do wish I could be celebrating with him, but you never know. Maybe in the future it will happen. Anyway, a small note to Howie, just incase there is that 1 in 1,000,000 odd that he reads this:

In the past 5 years of my life, I've never been inspired by anyone like you've inspired me. Each day I believe more and more that my biggest dream of meeting you is going to come true. I always am asked for my reasons why I love you. Well, my reasons are locked in my heart and are there for you to find out one day. I don't want to love anyone as much as I love you. Happy Birthday to you from my heart with every ounce of sincerity, respect, and love. You deserve to be happy.

Today is also the countdown until my 5th Anniversary of the day I fell in love with Howie. Mark your calendars: 9/4/03 is the beginning of my 5th year. I think each day gets better and better, and I find more and more about him. Then, I add another reason to my list of why I just love him. I was looking at the anniversary card my friend gave me last year. It was so nice how my friends treated me and how supportive that are with my feelings towards Howie. Thank you all D-Land readers and my close friends at home and all over for being just sooooo sweet to me. Well, I guess Howie's birthday is just about over because I am writing this and my clock says 12:13 AM. It was a great 30th Birthday.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004