Deep down, I wanted to audition so bad because I believe I am talented (not more talented than anyone else). I have always wanted to be a star.

I want to find a new claim to fame though that will guarentee more than 15 minutes of fame. The American Idol market is getting ridiculous and oversaturated.

I was at work reading the shelves and making sure the call numbers were in order and I was thinking the whole time. I just wanted to kick myself. I feel like I've let everyone down by not going to auditions.

Then I came to my senses, thinking back to the day when I was singing at my cousin's graduation party. All of my family heard about my singing...it spread like wildfire. So many people came up to me and said, "I hear you have an amazing voice, you must sing." So I sang 2 songs. Suddenly relatives that never bothered with me before all wanted a piece of me. Aunts and uncles who worshiped their grandchildren soooo much wanted to become my managers. THAT'S WHERE I HOLD UP THE STOP SIGN!

So all my family sees when they see me is a walking dollar sign. The thing is, if and when I finally get my big break and come into money, I'm donating first to charity and then I'm buying a car. The rest is going into the bank. I want to be respected by my family. I don't want them to get the idea that I'm just gonna give them money so they can sit on their butts and live off me.

Singing is something I love and I'm not in it for the money. I think the money would be helpful to purchase a car and help plan for my future (marriage, adopting kids, etc.), but that's about it.

Well, I better go. I am sorry to my friends who I feel I disappointed.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004