Today is the 5th anniversary of the day I really knew I loved Howie. I can't believe it's been 5 years already. Gosh, I'm getting old, but it's okay. I was 14 when I fell in love with him and here's the whole background story behind it:

When I was 14, my favorite BSB member was Nick. I never wanted to give Howie a chance because I'll admit, the early teenage years made me soooooo shallow. Well, my first BSB concert was really what swayed my decision. I went to that concert, met Nick, and thought I was gonna like Nick forever. When Howie and Nick fought on stage, I used to scream, "Yeah Nick! Show that little punk what you're made of". Oh man, was that a stupid mistake. Yet as the concert went on, I started really developing feelings for Howie. As naive as I was back then, I really tried to deny what was stirring around in my heart.

When I got home from the concert around midnight, I sat at my kitchen table for 2 hours really thinking things out. I knew I had felt differently than I did when I met Nick just hours ago. I didn't love Howie and I didn't hate Nick. It was like juggling flaming knives for an entire week. I had to sit and think about it.

As I started highschool, it became apparent, that the scales of my heart have tipped in another direction. Howie captured my heart with his uncanny and sweet personality. Nick started to become non-existant...and looking back on meeting him...well it felt like it was a fling or something. I fell for a pretty face which was the biggest fault of mine.

How could I betray my heart by not listening to it???

Well, I learned. I guess my punishment has been for 5 years not being able to meet Howie. I deserved it.

I think on September 4th, it became the day where everything started to make sense. I could no longer deny what I felt for him.

That's where I am today...waking up with a smile on my face and looking at my Howie poster on the wall right next to my bed. No regrets in my mind when it comes to Howie. I pray everynight for God to help me find him. I am very much faithful to him...no matter if silly crushes pass me by.

If I could just say one thing to Howie, it would be: "I love you for what you hold inside you. I know that when I fell in love with you, it felt so right."

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004