Why do all the most wonderful people have to pass away?? I really miss Caroline even though I never really knew her. She is one of two people that really swayed my Lupus crusade. The other: my dear cousin Ruth who has had Lupus most of her life.

I remember the night it all started...it's so haunting. It was a normal Saturday night. I had just finished listening to the "Hottie of the Week" and I gazed out the window. I had the best scene outside...I could see the entire Meadowlands. It was beautiful...and I could stare out to my "place of dreams" (The Continental Arena where my first BSB concert took place).

During a song, the radio DJ cut in with breaking news. I turned my full attention to the radio because more than anything, I knew it wasn't good.

When the news broke, I fell onto the floor like my body was spaghetti. I was overcome with so much grief and I never cried so hard before. I referred to it as the night you could possibly need a rowboat to get around in my room.

I wanted to die instead of Caroline, because she didn't deserve to. Then I found out that Howie made it to his sister too late.

It was a devastating blow to know..."hey, he really is human." Of course ever since then, that fact hasn't slipped my mind.

The Dorough Lupus Foundation is just Heaven sent gift for me. I really do support it with 7 donations so far under my belt...and more to come.

Caroline, I have never forgotten you. I wish I did get to know you, because according to Howie, you were such an inspiration to him. It's very comforting to know that the man I love has such a positive person to watch over him.

Love you lots...forever sweet Caroline...

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004