Tonight was Karaoke Night at school and lemme start out by saying it was a massive popularity contest. I sang "A Moment Like This" nearly flawless and all I got were 3 eights. This girl who sang before me was okay and she got 2 nines and 1 eight.

Anyway, that was not the reason I want to die so badly. The reason is the kid I like. I mentioned him months ago in like 2 entries, but I won't put his name.

I have liked him since last semester, but really right now wanted to be friends with him. He was in one of my classes first semester (but I never noticed and then he was in one of my classes last semester. We started talking and then we started talking more and more. It was great. Then we would talk outside of class and eventually we started to talk online.

During the summer we spoke once cause our lives have been hectic which I understand cause I want to marry Howie in the future and I support his hectic schedule in the music industry.

Then when school started this semester, we saw each other a lot more around the campus, plus we started talking online again. Topics will not be disclosed to anyone but myself and him.

So yeah, I started to develop feelings for him, but very little ones cause I knew there was a possibility he would just want to be friends, which doesn't bother me at all. I got advice from about 8 people about him...and I even got advice from him about him. Sounds weird, but he really wanted to help.

Here's what happened: Like last night his roommate Marty told me that his internet was down so I told Marty to tell him I said hi. Since he went out, Marty tacked a thing to his door that said, "Kim says hi!" Which I thought was funny.

Here's what I found out a Karaoke Night: Marty pulls me over and said, "He knows". I asked him how. Marty told me that when my crush came back, he saw the sign on the door. Then the OTHER roommate came out and said, "Is that from the girl that likes you?" and he said, "yes".

Now my crush will barely talk to me and he looks freaked out beyond belief when he sees me. I just really think a suicide attempt is in order. I can never get a boyfriend and this was gonna be a subtle thing.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004