He thought I was mad at him cause we're only gonna be friends. Well, I'm not mad that we're gonna be friends. That's really more than I expected from him. The thing I am mad about though is the fact that I thought he did like me. Why can't I ever be pretty in his eyes?

And he wonders why I'm so negative.

He has one away message that says "To all the pretty girls, I'm in the shower." No way does that remotely mean me. Seriously...no guy really thinks I'm pretty and therefore, no guy has interest in me. I kinda wish he'd tell me what he thinks of me...if there's even a slight interest...but I'm just kidding myself. I was hoping he'd be interested in me cause I thought he'd be different than any other guy out there. Apparently, if you don't have the look, you have no chance. My talent doesn't even make up for it. I'm not saying he's shallow cause that totally isn't it, but I am just saying that there is so much more to me than just the way I look. I sing, dance, draw, write stories, play hockey, skate, etc., but no one wants to focus on what I can do...they just focus on my big nose and my frizzy hair.

So I'll change myself...I'll get a nosejob, cut my hair, get my eyebrows done, stop shopping at JCPenny to get clothing. I tried to be myself and it failed so I just should stop trying. I don't want to be popular with all the Tiffany jewelry or anything cause "bling-bling" doesn't appeal to me. I just want to be liked. The only reason people think I looked hott in the fashion show was cause I had 20 lbs of make-up on and tight clothes. No one could recognize me, which sucked.

SO MUCH FOR NOT BEING NEGATIVE!

When will the world look at what's inside?? You think I started liking Angel cause he's cute?? No I started liking him cause he had this wonderful personality that couldn't be found in other guys. He treated me so nicely and was very complimentative. Obviously, the way I look is more important than who I am as a person. And everyone wonders why I'm depressed...Well SURPRISE SURPRISE! YOU NOW KNOW.

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004