**What has gotten into me!?!?!**

This is not me...I am conservative...and for years I've only had one crush at a time or one real life crush, one celebrity crush. This time...I have 2 real life crushes and one celebrity love. I say love because I love him more than anything in the world.

*sigh*

I think about Angel everyday. I miss him when I don't see him or talk to him. He makes me smile when we talk and I love to laugh. Plus, I love to see him smile, because he has a beautiful smile. There is a lot about him I really like. I have only recently started thinking about Marty. He's known for a month that I liked him...but the funny thing is I've only had feelings for him for a week.

Angel only wants to be my friend and so does Marty...and I'm sooooooooooo happy that they both wanna be my friend. Why do I feel so upset about Marty?? I guess it's because Angel doesn't really respond to me the same way Marty does. Marty gives me advice and hugs me and helps me and makes me laugh. He really cares about me as a friend. Angel and I have an awkward friendship. It started off with "Hi's" and "Goodbye's" then we gradually began talking. He asked Jackie for my e-mail addy and screen name before my birthday and when he started IMing me and e-mailing me, things were on the up. We became really good friends...doing a bit of talking...but then the semester came to an end just 3 weeks after the ball started rolling.

I missed him over the summer...and I thought about him. We e-mailed back and forth only once...and that was exactly half way through the summer. When school started again...we found each other and tried to rekindle the friendship. We have had some rocky times cause of my over-analyzing and over-thinking. I am negative sometimes and I'll admit to it. I am crazy about him at the same time and I want something more and I'm not gonna get it.

In the end, I've been rejected by 2 guys, and it only reduces me to tears. Neither guy wants to hurt me...haha...too late. I am done with trying...really I am. I feel like a loser.

Maybe I should be single...I've only been single for the past 19 years...

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004