It's been like 5 days since my last entry, but there isn't much to tell you...actually, there is something and it's something I said in a previous entry:

"Marty and I are going to be very close friends and the fact that he cares about me just says so much. I definitely care about him and I respect him for telling me how he feels. The reason he turned me down is reasonable. I wish it did work out, but he's the greatest and most caring guy I know."

Even though things have been so rough, I mean it like all hell. I'm a stupid person and I've most likely killed a friendship with someone sweet. I think I need to just stop and face the facts.

My biggest problem is that I can never face rejection well. What do you expect from me though, I'm 19 and have been single since like forever.

My biggest passion is my music right now. I can at least get up and sing and feel so damn good about myself. No one ever sees that side of me. I'm a professional in so many people's eyes, but those eyes belong to family members other than my immediate family.

Marty if you read this, I am so damn sorry for blowing it all. I wanna be happy in the worst way and it's killing friendship after friendship. I care about you to death and even when I do move away in a couple of years, you need to know it's not cause of you, it's cause I need to follow my path. I feel so guilty about everything I've done and everything I've put you through, but in the end, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. I don't want to lose that...

Backstreet hugs & Howie kisses,

@->--

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004