I don't know what's wrong with me. I am supposed to be the same, strong-willed person I grew up as, but I know I'm not. I will admit...this disease has me beat. It's so difficult to just think positive when I'm holding the world back from living their lives. I've literally just stopped what I was doing and yelled at God. I want this horrible torture to end. Either kill me or find a cure.

I am always crying when I am sick because I can't live and function normally. Everything to me becomes slow. It takes me longer to think, longer to get a word from my brain to my lips, and I'm much slower when speaking because everything around me is distorted. My hands become ice cold when I have little to no feeling in my arms due to the flare ups. Sometimes, I lay sprawled out on my back on my bed waiting for my skin to jump off my skeleton. That's the pain that I go through on a daily/nightly basis. I go to work and school in pain, but I try to keep it to myself. I actually put my education and my future career ahead of my health.

I know that is the craziest thing to do, but I've been so driven. I will put other people ahead in my life just because I don't feel that I need to care about my own well-being. I am 19 for goodness sake. I want to live, but at the same time, I feel like I am dying.

I'm going to the doctors soon...I hope. Marty is coming along. I am happy he is supportive. Well...night night.

Prince Howie Kisses,

@->--

Princess Kimerella

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004