I e-mailed him, I IMed him...we've talked and I appologized and it seems we're okay. I know we're not. Now I am scared that I really ruined everything. God, I wish I could take it all back.

Today I was laying on my bed crying. Can't take who I am, who I've become. I care so much about Marty. He's everything I could ever want. I am happy that he is in my life and I'm so very happy that he cares about me too. I always think about him...and it makes me miss him so much. I have all his e-mails, the card he gave me, and the teddy "Hearts" he gave me. I don't deserve to be showered with presents. He is right...Spring Break sucks. I bet summer vacation will be torture. That's 4 months without him.

I've been going crazy thinking of something to give to him for our anniversary. I've asked people for help, but so far I only have one gift for him. It's snowing out and there is no way I'll be allowed to go to the mall and pick out the rest of his presents. It's difficult to shop for a guy so I am going out of my mind to get him something wonderful and memorable. I hope I can get to the mall by Friday or I am really out of luck. Therefore, my reason for joining the "Got-No-Luck" diaryring. This is the description:

"This is for those of us that when bad luck finds us, it brings a MOB."

I can't even begin to tell you how true that is. After many years of being cursed with a lot of misfortune (the Fibromyalgia, inability to meet Howie, struggling with my singing career) I meet Marty. He's the first bit of blessing in my life. I'm fortunate enough to be with someone to like me for who I am and not for how I look. He's a true gentleman. I get sick, he helps me and doesn't leave me to fight it alone. I cry, he makes me smile. I hold his hand and it feels right. I put my arm around him and I know I'm safe. I give him a hug and I know I'm being hugged back by someone who cares. There aren't even enough words in this world to describe how much I value my relationship with him. I never had someone truly appreciate me, but it's a great feeling.

Though I feel I need to cry...part of me wants to smile just thinking about him...

Prince Howie Kisses,

@->--

Princess Kimerella

last & next
So Sad... - December 28, 2004
After Christmas Sadness... - December 27, 2004
Thanksgiving Break Update... - November 26, 2004
School Update... - October 17, 2004
I'm lost... - August 25, 2004