Can I call it a HAPPY anniversary? No I really can't. Yesterday (3/19) was my one month anniversary with Marty. I have been dreaming of this day forever...since it was my very first anniversary. I wanted today to be perfect, romantic...but it never happened. I took off from work to be with Marty but some bad luck hit and I've been crying all day. I don't want to smile. I'm mad and depressed. Today came and went like any other day. Marty's gift sit on my table, perfectly wrapped...topped off by a card. I couldn't wait till today came. It means everything to me.

Marty suprised me so sweetly Thursday. It was such a wonderful surprise. He called me up and asked me what I was doing. So I told him and then he said that he had to go cause his sister needed the phone. So I went back downstairs to what I was doing and then 10 minutes later, he came in. I was like OMG...1) cause it was a surprise and 2) cause I was still in my PJs. Oh man, I was so happy to see him. So him and Phil invited me out to dinner and we went to Chili's in the mall. We sat there eating and joking around for a good 2 hours. So much fun. After we ate, we split up. Marty went off to look for a card and Phil and I walked around. At like 9:15 we met back up and then went to pick up stuff at Shop Rite for my pesky lil' sister. We got home at like five to ten. Marty had to use the bathroom so he did. Then I showed him how to do things with his journal that he just made and then we hung out. I unfortunately had to tell him to leave because I know how terrible my parents get. A big part of me wanted him to stay because I just wanted to spend more time with him. Well, 11:30 came and Phil and Marty left. After they left, my mother confronted me and yelled at me.

My mother told me that I better start thinking and get some common sense because I have none what so ever. I yelled back at her and said, "I guess I'll never be good enough to be your daughter" and I closed my bedroom door on her and went to sleep.

Next morning I woke up @ 7:45 AM. I was panicking for the fact that he said he was probably going to get to my house around 10 AM. So I had to shower, clean my house, wrap his gifts and make sure everything was perfect. Let me just say, I HATE THE SNOW! Weather doesn't love me so much and I was told that if it snowed, I couldn't go to Marty's house and meet his parents. Grrr right there. Then Marty called and told me he was about to leave but he had to take care of his sister Carrie who was very sick. That I more than understand because I know how close he is with his sister and family does come first. So he was going to come over after his parents came home which he said was 4.

So my mother called and asked me what was going on and I explained the situation to her. She told me to tell him not to come since it would've been late. Of course how can my mother tell me I can't have my boyfriend over on our anniversary? I started to tell her that she obviously isn't getting this and she said that I ruined our anniversary because I never think and I have no common sense.

That sent me in a tizzy. Well I locked myself in my room for an hour and a half and blasted "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely" really loud. I sat on the floor with Marty's teddy in my arms and cried continuously. Crying involves more pain for me than probably a lot of people because when I cry, my muscles tense up and I get really bad chest pains. Anything to torture myself. I sat and just stared blankly out the window...just looking at the sky as I cried. I wanted to be free at that point...or dead...whichever comes first. Yeah, I thought about hurting myself yesterday and I was more than tempted...but I didn't do it. I promised Marty I wouldn't. I need to go for help.

Marty and I talked throughout the day. He cried, I cried. It was just such an emotional day. My friend for that day was misery and a half-gallon of Friendlys Cookies & Cream. Talk about calorie counting. I'm lactose intolerant so I was hurting myself worse because not only was I feeding my depression, I was making myself sick to my stomach.

I called Marty to wish him a Happy Anniversary, but I wound up leaving it as a voicemail. I'm never good with words. It's a sad thing. Cause all the things he says to me, I feel the same way, but can't say them back because I'd be borrowing his words. I am trying to find the most original ways to express how I feel. I'm an originator...or so says this personality test I took at work today.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I wanted to be with him so much. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror. I was far from being pretty. My face was red, my eyes were red and puffy.

I went to work reluctantly this morning. I didn't want to be there. I did my job. I earned my $7.75 an hour, but I didn't want to be there. I went home and my brother told me that Marty called. Then a bit later he called me and said he was coming to see me. I was sooooooooooooooooo beyond happy to see him. I don't think words could describe how I felt about him coming over. He called me back asking if he could take me out to dinner and I said I couldn't go because I had to be home for dinner. This killed me because I wanted to be with him to make up for missing our anniversary.

When Marty came over, we swapped anniversary presents. He gave me such a beautiful piano charm for my Nomination bracelet (which I put on my bracelet right away). I got a really awesome silver Volvo keychain that I love so much. Plus, he gave me those blushing bears from Hallmark. He is right, I do blush a lot. He presented me with the most beautiful baby roses that were hot pink. It took my breath away. I think I could just go on and on about the flowers, the bears, the charm, the keychain...but I just read his card over and over. Right now it's upstairs on my dresser with his other card.

When I read his card, I was speechless. I wanted to cry because it was so wonderful and moving. Yes, I am always crying, but this was because I am so happy. He wrote the most wonderful poem that I will read everyday.

We went out to dinner at Parmigiano's (a very nice Italian restaurant). The waitress sat us next to the fireplace. Oh it was just so romantic. Just being with him in a wonderful place was seriously heaven for me. We held hands and we spoke. We even kissed a few times. The food was delicious and everything was so perfect. Just looking into his eyes made me smile.

After dinner we went back to my house. Unfortunately, the parents of mine were not very nice again. So he had to be out of the house at 8:30 PM. Talk about ridiculous; it's a Saturday night! I was heartbroken. I can't wait until I just get up the courage to pack my bags and leave.

Marty and I have been talking the rest of the night about everything that's been going on and about dinner. I just keep thinking about him and smiling. To be able to have someone in my life like him is truly a God sent gift. He really answered all of the prayers I've said every night before I go to sleep.

Well, I feel this entry has gotten mighty long. I better go and dream of my Marty.

Prince Howie Kisses,

@->--

Princess Kimerella

last & next
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